Tone of voice

Personality traits: ambitious, entrepreneurial

Powering Potential is about helping people pursue the pathways to success. Directly asking questions encourages your reader to think about their future differently and be more driven and entrepreneurial in their approach to capturing it.

Example – Newsletter for staff

	Instead of: As a result of collaboration with staff, students and partners, our new strategic plan has been developed. We are pleased to say that it is ready to launch, and we will release more information soon.
	Try: Offering opportunity. Building community. Embracing flexibility. Our new strategic plan is here. But where do you fit in? Will you change how you work to transform lives? Discover ways to power potential at the launch.

Personality traits: approachable, supportive

A vital part of Powering Potential is working together. We achieve this in our writing by balancing 'you' and 'we'—telling people how we can support them without talking about ourselves too much. By addressing readers directly, you’ll help create a connection and a sense of being involved.

Example – Alumni comms brochure

	Instead of: The University of Hertfordshire has a global alumni community with 240,000 graduates worldwide. Graduates are always supported with the next exciting stage of their journey. They kick-start careers, stay connected to the University and keep in touch with classmates.
	Try: We’re delighted to welcome you as a member of our global alumni community, joining over 240,000 alumni worldwide. We’ll support the next exciting stage of your journey – helping kick-start your career, stay connected to the University and keep in touch with classmates.

Personality trait: ambitious

Our support drives people to act on their ambitions. We can heighten this sense of action by using verbs effectively.

We tend to turn verbs into nouns, which don’t have as much impact, but never fear, these ‘smothered verbs’ are easy to spot. Just look out for longer words ending in: ion, ance, ence, ment.

	Noun: Our expectation is that you have a 2:1 degree in a relevant subject.
	Verb: We expect you to have a 2:1 degree in a relevant subject.
	Noun: We’ll make a decision about who wins the funding.
	Verb: We’ll decide who wins the funding.

Personality trait: approachable

Academic jargon and unnecessary waffle always over-complicate writing and will raise a barrier to some people in digesting what you are trying to say. It’s important to make your point quickly to reassure your reader and achieve maximum impact.

Here’s what to avoid:

a) Repetition
	Instead of: If you have any questions or queries, do not hesitate to call us.
	Try: Please give us a call if you have any questions.

b) Redundancy – adds nothing
	Instead of: From past experience we know that…
	Try: From experience we know that…

c) Long-windedness
	Instead of: It would appear that the student survey showed…
	Try: The student survey showed…

d) Old-fashioned language
	Instead of: Whilst you study here, you’ll explore the work of aforementioned academics.
	Try: While you study here, you’ll explore the work of academics.

e) Unnecessary words
	Instead of: It is quite likely that you will discover it very easy to find your way around the campus.
	Try: You’ll discover it’s easy to find your way around campus.

Personality traits: approachable, ambitious

Run-on sentences (over 20 words) steal impact from your message, and the reader may lose interest. Remember to vary sentence length when you write—just as you do when you’re speaking—to keep your writing energised and approachable.

Example – new student web page

	Instead of: If you’re joining us in September, we want to say well done on getting this far as your journey to life at Herts is just beginning. If you’ve been contacted by us to say that your joining instructions are now available to view, log in via our joining instructions portal using your student login number to find out more about what to do when you arrive.
	Try: Joining us in September? Well done on getting this far. Your journey to life at Herts is just beginning. If we’ve contacted you to say your joining instructions are ready to view, log into our joining instructions portal to learn what to do when you arrive. Remember, you’ll need your student number to log in.

Personality traits: open-minded, entrepreneurial

Prospective students are swamped with similar messages, so we need to demonstrate that we hear them and know their motivations; that Herts is the place where they can break boundaries and challenge the status quo.

Headlines are the perfect opportunity to experiment with a more audacious and challenging tone and make our writing sound less formal. This is particularly powerful when we’re talking to an undergraduate audience.

	Instead of: Stand out from the crowd. Reach your ambitions.
	Try: Say whatever to ordinary. I'm the boss of my own ambition.

Personality trait: ambitious

Think about what you want your readers to do next? Sign up for a newsletter by entering their email? Apply for a course? Include a call to action to prompt readers to make a move towards their ambitions.

	Instead of: We hope you’ll be joining us for our Open Day in January. We’ll put more information on our website soon.
	Try: Joining us on 9 January for our Open Day? Simply fill out your details below and we’ll send you everything you need to know a week before.

Personality trait: ambitious

Passive voice puts the virtual brakes on your writing by impeding the flow and causing confusion as to who is taking action. To correct passive voice and make your writing more energetic, try swapping the position of the subject and the action you are describing. Some tell-tale passive phrases include: ‘was done by’, ‘were read to’, ‘will be given to’.

	Passive voice: The research on the damaging effects of the internet was carried out by academics.
	Active voice: The academics carried out research on the damaging effects of the internet.
	Passive voice: Money was generously donated to fund projects by the alumni.
	Active voice: Alumni generously donated money to fund projects.

Personality trait: approachable

Readability measures how easy it is to read your writing and gives writers the chance to check the clarity of a document.

Microsoft Word measures readability using the Flesch Kincaid Grade Level. The score is given as a grade level which refers to American school years (Grade Six = 11 year-old, Grade 12 = 17 year-old).

Readability in perspective:

• The Origin of Species, Charles Darwin – 12
• The Economist – 9
• The Sun – 6
• Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone – 5.43.

To measure readability in Word (Windows):

1. Click File > Options > Proofing and Reviewing > Spelling and Grammar
2. Check ‘show readability scores’ box.